Guilt is one of the more destructive emotions which we can get caught up in, leaving us with nagging thoughts of self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness.  We typically experience guilt if we have gone against our own truth, or have wronged another. 

Guilt can feel like a rock on our chest, and feelings of guilt often include replaying a situation over and over in our heads, which can lead to obsessive thinking, anxiety, and self punishment.

While we all long to be better, more loving and authentic people, getting caught in a cycle of guilt can lead to despair and loss of clarity. 

If you find yourself feeling guilty, here are some suggestions for dealing with guilt:

·         Take a moment to write out the guilty thoughts and feelings you’re experiencing in the present moment.  Write out the self talk exactly as it happens without censoring what you write. 

·         Once you have emptied those thoughts and feelings onto the page, read over what you wrote to get a sense of how you make yourself feel guilty.  Do you recognize the voice on the page as your own, or perhaps it belongs to a parent, or another authority figure?  We often unconsciously internalize values that belong to our parents, or the collective social or religious systems.

·         If you feel that you have wronged another, consider apologizing to them.  Speak from the heart.  If speaking is difficult, consider writing a letter. 

·         If you have wronged yourself, perhaps you need to forgive yourself for placing unrealistic expectations on your situation.  We all go astray from time to time.  Learn from it, let go of the negative feelings, and use the lesson not to make the same mistake again.

If you try the above approach and still find yourself stuck in the guilt cycle, you may want to consider clinical counselling, which has been proven to help people through guilt and other limiting experiences.

Many of the modern gurus such as Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle suggest that in order to grow and be happy we need to let go of negative thoughts, expectations, guilt, our past, and so on, and come into the present moment.  The idea of letting go is not new and it originates from the ancient Buddhist concept of non-attachment: a state of being free of desire and suffering, which leads to higher consciousness and ultimately enlightenment.

One of my favourite explanations of letting go comes from the Osho Zen Tarot deck.  The image on the card (pictured above) is of lotus leaves in the early morning. 

We can see in the rippling of the water that one drop has just fallen.  It is a precious moment, and one that is full of poignancy.  In surrendering to gravity and slipping off the leaf, the drop loses its previous identity and joins the vastness of the water below.  We can imagine that it must have trembled before it fell, just on the edge between the known and the unknowable.

To choose this card is a recognition that something is finished, something is completing.  Whatever it is – a job, a relationship, a home you have loved, anything that might have helped you to define who you are – it is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold on.  Something greater is awaiting you, new dimensions are there to be discovered.  You are past the point of no return now, and gravity is doing its work.  Go with it – it represents liberation. (p.112)

As beautiful as the above description is, letting go is sometimes easier said than done, and I am often asked by clients how to let go of their negative thoughts and behavior patterns when they are aware of them, yet struggle to release them. 

When we have had an experience of wounding in our past – whether emotional, psychological, physical, or sexual – that has not been healed, the remnants of that experience continue to live in our unconscious and our body, and affect the way we perceive reality.  It’s like wearing a pair of glasses that affects what we see and how we make meaning out of it. 

To let go of thoughts, behvaiours, and feelings that have their roots in the original wounding experience, the past needs to be released safely and compassionately in order for healing to take place.  Once we work with the roots of what set the suffering in motion, the practice of letting go becomes a way of being.

The heart is recognized by many of the world’s ancient civilizations as a key centre and source of wisdom, spirit, and positive emotions such as love and compassion.  The sense of I dwells in the heart and notice that most of us point to the chest when we say I. The heart is where we experience the consciousness of who we truly are.  In that sense, the heart can be thought of as a physical and spiritual vessel that holds our true self, our essence, our true identity.

By opening or connecting with our heart, we connect with and live from our true self.  We live authentically.  A connection with the heart or heart opening as it is often called, means uniting one’s awareness with the heart and allowing oneself to directly experience the full spectrum of emotions, thoughts, and sensations arising in the present moment with unconditional love and acceptance of the self. 

Physically, heart opening is often experienced as openness, lightness, and expansion in the centre of the chest where the spiritual heart is said to be located (the heart chakra).  When our heart is awakened and open, we experience inner freedom and spontaneity manifested in softness, aliveness and gracefulness of the body.  We are free from shame, guilt, and self-consciousness. 

Many people are not able to perceive this heart opening however, and instead feel a contraction in the centre of their chest, or a closed heart, which is related to mental, emotional, and physical forms of suffering.  The heart is never actually closed and it continues to radiate the energy of life and love, but this energy along with the true self ends up buried under layers of tension of unexpressed feelings, fears and experiences from our past and present.  Because of hurtful experiences, inner walls are often unconsciously erected as a way of coping and protecting the heart.  When this happens, we tend to be reactive and hang on to our hurt. We end up living in a more contracted way as we close ourselves off from not only feeling pain, but also joy and love.

If you would like to develop a deeper connection with your heart and live more authentically, spend a few minutes each day resting in the heart.  Find a moment to sit comfortably, close your eyes, and place your hands over the center of your chest.  Breathe into the heart center and allow any tensions to melt away.  Come to rest in your heart.

As 2013 begins, many of us are busy planning, setting intentions and resolutions for this new cycle.  But what is the secret behind manifesting those intentions in our physical reality?

The clue to this question lies in what has been called the law of attraction.  While this law has been quite prominent in our popular culture, it is not new.  In fact, it can be traced back to the ancient Eastern and Judeo-Christian spiritual traditions.   According to this law, we tend to manifest that which we focus on – consciously or unconsciously.  To put more simply, thoughts become things.  So, if we spend most of our time dwelling on fear, failure, catastrophy, criticism, etc., we are likely to manifest more of that in our lives.  If, on the other hand, we focus on compassion, gratitude, and abundance we will magnetize more compassion, gratitude, and abundance into our lives. 

A word of caution here: many have mistakenly taken the law of attraction too literally and sit on the couch repeating positive affirmations with little or no results.  To manifest, we need to get off the fear couch and start to move towards our intention, even if we are uncertain of what that direction may be.  Mike Dooley uses a great metaphor of MapQuest’s GPS system to explain this.  He says that MapQuest (the Universe) knows our current location, so what we need to do is tell it the address of where we want to go (this is the intention), get our car in gear (get off the couch), and start driving in any direction (take steps towards our goal). As soon as our car is moving, MapQuest will respond and guide us in the right direction given our desired address.  Even if we unknowingly set off in a wrong direction, the system will immediately warn us and tell us to turn around through various signs and people that will deliver the warning.  If we trust, stay open and positive, the Universe will guide us to the right and best path for us.  Now, if we become negative or don’t get off the couch and get moving, we are not likely to manifest the desired change.

So if you are feeling ready to manifest, here are some simple steps I find effective:   

• Ask yourself: ‘If I could change one thing in my life that would really make a difference, what would it be?’
• Point that question in the direction of your relationships (intimate, friends, family), health, finances, profession, life purpose, joy, happiness, or wherever you want to affect change.
• Set your intentions by actually writing down those desires in the present tense as if you have already achieved them.  For example, if you are physically sick, your intention could be: ‘I am healthy and full of vitality’
• Be honest with your intentions and set them in alignment with your inner truth.  Your intentions need to focus on you!  We cannot change others.  Does your intention feel right to you?  Check in with your heart, your gut, or your 6th sense.
• Once you have your intention, visualize what the desired change would look and feel like – engage your senses.  Using the example above, the visualization could be seeing yourself healthy, glowing, full of energy and vitality, strength, and feeling those qualities in your body as you are visualizing.
• Take a step in any direction.  For the example above this could mean going for a walk, seeing a health practitioner, reading a book on healing, taking deep breaths, etc.  A step can be anything.  Once you begin taking steps, the Universe will guide you to the best healing modality for you.  For example, while you are on your walk, you could meet a person that is a healer, or may know of someone or something that will help you heal.
• Trust and stay open to possibilities – your intentions may manifest in ways you have not anticipated.
• Stay positive and don’t give into negative thoughts, doubt, fear.  Don’t forget that thoughts become things, so be mindful of your thoughts.
• Take a few minutes every day to connect to your intention, visualize and feel your intention manifesting.  Keep taking those steps and follow the path as it unfolds.
• Practice gratitude at each step.    

When you follow this practice with trust and openness, you have the power to change your life.

If you try this process and find yourself discouraged, or taken over by fear or doubt that you can’t lift out of, I encourage you to reflect on how your thoughts are limiting and stopping you.  Sometimes the early conditioning that we inevitably receive through our family and society can become quite engrained in the fabric of our lives.  Examples of this conditioning include: ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘Life is hard’, ‘I don’t deserve to be happy.’  Counselling and therapy have been helpful in unraveling and releasing those limiting threads, thereby creating space for change to manifest.